Tuesday, April 4, 2017

More Than a Filling? Classic Rock Responsible for Trump Victory

As the post-election inquisition subsides, it is clear that the reasons for the Trump victory are deep-rooted and systemic. One new factor has come to light following research by The American Association of Dentists  (AAD): over-consumption of classic rock in America's heartland. The AAD were interested in the effects of classic rock radio on patients in the chair, sponsoring a study to examine the consequences of exposure to Wind of Change during dental procedures. The results were alarming and lead to new AAD limits on exposure. Dr. Ray D. Atemore of the AAD told The Tribune Digest:
"There was clearly a parallel between the effects of sugary drinks on teeth and the consequences of over exposure to Sweet Home Alabama. The US consumption of classic rock is the aural equivalent of ice cream--comfort food that is binge-eaten--and our study showed that it rots the brain just as sugar rots teeth"
The image below is from the AAD study showing the exposure per capita to Hotel California:

The distribution of high-exposure counties mirrors the post-election USA map, with Republican voters primarily in these areas. Coincidence? We suspect not, the use of classic rock to affect mental stability has several precedents, including successful military applications.

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