Get Out of Jury Duty with The Tribune!

The Turunn Tribune announced today the only failsafe method for ensuring that you will not be picked for US Jury Duty (apart from not residing in the USA). Taking advantage of the mandatory questions posed to all prospective jurors during the preliminary voir dire session, legal experts at the Tribune have designed a sticker to help you respond to the question "do you have any bumper stickers on your car?".

No legal professional will risk having you on the jury if you reveal your bumper sticker contains the words "You're Guilty!". We're so sure of this that we guarantee success to anyone who purchases the sticker, available for the very reasonable price of $9.99 from the Tribune merchandise shop.

To those who may feel that this is another example of a foreign power undermining American institutions, we would like to emphasize that we are actively supporting the training of new jurors by partnering with HBR to train new laypeople and soliciting funding for the ambitious Lay School of Princeton.